Seriously, this may be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Imagine being 86 years old. You’ve lived a relatively fulfilling life – Great kids, and a wonderful wife that you loved with your entire being. Eleven years ago, you lost your true love and your whole world was shattered. You’ve been celibate ever since because no woman could ever compare to the woman you married, the woman you spent the better part of your life with.
Your grandson (bless his soul) happens to like Howard Stern. Howard Stern happens to be having a contest called Get my Grandpa laid! on his show. Not only does your grandson enter you in this contest, but you win.
This is exactly what happened to Johnny Orris. Back in October, his grandson Ed entered him in this contest, where the winner gets a free night of fun at the famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch. Johnny was happy he won, confessing that he’d been dreaming of “big breasted black women” for awhile.
So, he goes to Nevada (where prostitution is completely legal), picks out two ladies (Caressa Kisses and Vanity), tells them “I’m gonna be back here at 9-o’clock–you’d better be ready!”, and goes off to prep for the big event (and celebrate with his grandson) with a steak dinner at the Sage Room Steakhouse.
Well, apparently he was just too excited to remember to chew his food properly, and ended up choking. Both Ed and the maitré-d tried to keep him stable by giving him CPR until the ambulance got there, but he was pronounced dead at the hospital.
Honestly, isn’t that one of the saddest things you’ve ever heard? I didn’t even know about the contest, but it’s definitely a spectacular premise and I’m sure I would have been rooting for him the entire time; he sounds like a really sweet, funny old guy (I love old people, regardless of whether it’s the sweet old couple that still hold hands or the bitchy old lady at the grocery store).
The girls were devastated when they heard the news, but the Ranch was nice enough to let Ed use his grandfathers ticket. I dunno, I get that when people are sad that sex is a great way to grieve, and really – why waste a perfectly good free hooker ticket? But I don’t think I would have done the same thing under the same circumstances.
What do you think? Could you have used your dead grandfather’s free roll-in-the-hay ticket? Let us know what you think in the comments!