Am I the only one that’s ready for this show to end? No? Alright then, here’s what happened last night:
It’s the night before Barney and Robin’s wedding, and the whole gang is out drinking in the hotel bar. Marshall and Lily’s impending fight is on “pause” and they take off early to go have drunk sex so that they can “unpause” once it’s over. Marshall excuses himself for a minute to go into the bathroom and give himself a pep-talk about how he needs to “bang his wife to sleep” (sidenote: do guys actually do this?
Meanwhile, Barney remains downstairs with Ted and Robin getting hammered. He gets what they call “Jabba the Hut” sloshed (If you don’t know who that is, you’re probably too young to be watching the show), before becoming a whole new level of drunk – Truth drunk. You know what it is, you’ve likely been there yourself – You drink so much that you can’t help but tell the truth. It’s probably the most fun and scariest level of drunk all rolled into one. Ted and Robin decide to take advantage of this Barney by asking him a bunch of questions. Ted wants to know just how far Barney got with his mom (far enough), while Robin’s more concerned about whether or not there’s going to be a bear at their wedding (there isn’t).
Cut back to Marshall who’s trying to “outlast”. After thinking himself limp, he goes downstairs and gets what we can only assume is Viagra from Barney to help him out. It works, and he successfully bangs Lily to sleep. For a minute anyway.
Then we go back to the gang downstairs where Barney finally tells us what he does for a living – Turns out he signs dodgy contracts for his company, which could get him into serious trouble in the event that anything ever comes of it. Or so we’re lead to believe. Turns out, it’s all been a big elaborate plan to bury his boss, the guy that stole his girlfriend when he was a coffee making hippy kid.
Back upstairs we go, Marshall is high-fiving himself verbally in the bathroom for his accomplishment. When he goes back into the room, he steps on a talking toy that wakes Lily up and they have the fight we’ve been waiting for. Lily tells Marshall they’re going to Italy and that’s it, and Marshall flat out tells her she’s selfish. She leaves the hotel at some ungodly time with an unnamed person.